When times are tough, some people donate plasma. Others, sell kidneys. Some, in desperation, even sell their souls. For me, plasma donation doesn’t pay enough, somebody stole one of my kidneys (a long story that ends in an ice-filled bathtub), and my soul is already held by the IRS as collateral. In light of this and the need to feed my children,
I have decided to rent out my head.
Yes. My head is for rent. All of it. Although not very attractive, large or noticeable, it is quite useful. I considered making ad space available on it , but since my head is often covered by my trademark hat*, I’m thinking that’s not the best strategy. With that off the table, that leaves my eyes, ears, nose, brain, and mouth. Although available separately these parts tend to function best as a whole. I highly recommend the full head.
My eyes are available to help you take a fresh look at your business from a new perspective (perhaps your customers’). As a manager or business owner, it can be really tough to change your perspective. You have the “curse of knowledge.” It’s tough to un-know something to help you take a fresh look at your business. I can do that for you and put it in terms you can understand.
My ears are available to help you listen to the people who make your business what it is–your customers, potential customers, and employees. Whether through interviewing, surveying, or engaging on social media channels, I can help you listen with new ears.
My nose is available to help you sniff out trouble. You may need a process tweak (or overhaul), some new tech tools, or a new way to manage information. You may need to deal with customer or employee issues. I can help you find the stinky parts of your business that are holding you back.
My brain is available to help you solve problems and craft strategy. Creative problem solving is in my blood (included at no extra charge), and I eat and breathe strategy of all kinds (mouth and nose required). I can help you design a customer experience strategy that encompasses everything from marketing, through operations, to customer service.
My mouth is available to help you spread the word. Whether through website management, sales and marketing, or public speaking, I can help you communicate your brand in a fresh, new way.
All of this, of course, comes at a price.
To me, my head is priceless. I don’t know what I’ll do without it. For me to give up use of my own head for my own purposes requires a great deal of sacrifice. Not only have I grown quite attached to it, but I’ve spent many years developing it. My eyesight is sharp; my ears are keen; my nose, large; my mouth, loud; and my brain, growing.
My head, whether in part or in its entirety (recommended) can be rented on an hourly, monthly, project, or semi-permanent basis. Please inquire for hourly, monthly, or project rates. If you’d like the use of my head on a full-time basis in your company, make me an offer I can’t refuse.**
* Under no circumstances is the hat for rent or included. It’s mine. Hands off.
** Threatening, Godfather-ish, headless-horse-type offers will not be considered.